Trump Flunked Out of Autocracy University

In a newly-released document, which is thought to have originated in Russia on the dark web, it is claimed that Donald Trump took secret online classes on autocracy and voter suppression. Autocracy University is thought to be led by Vladimir Putin and has a history going back several decades. Early graduates were Viktor Orbán and Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Russian graduates include Dmitry Medvedev and Nikolai Patrushev. More recently, Steve Bannon graduated at the top of his class. Current students include Nick Fuentes and J.D. Vance, who take evening classes. Stephen Miller applied several times but was rejected because of his Jewish heritage. He was told that if he brushed up on his Hitler imitations and publicly renounced Judaism, he would be reconsidered. Benjamin Netanyahu was also rejected but obtained clandestine course materials through the Mossad. Nicolas Maduro was previously enrolled but flunked out while Hugo Chávez was still alive. Although Jeffrey Epstein never enrolled, he was on friendly terms with some of the graduates and occasionally advised them on money-laundering techniques. There is no evidence that Xi Jinping has had any involvement with Autocracy University, though some have reported that he may be on the board of trustees. 

Ordinarily, Autocracy University is tuition-free. This is because autocrats as a group have sufficient funds to keep it in operation and consider it to be an investment in their future. Their ideal student is an angry, poor, white, non-Jewish male from the lower or lower-middle classes. Exceptions are made for Asians and Africans who are otherwise qualified. Donald Trump was one of the earliest applicants, and he was initially rejected because he didn't fit their student profile. However, when he began to take an interest in politics, the university made an exception for several reasons. First, he did not qualify for tuition-free enrollment, and they charged him one billion dollars. Second, they saw immediately that he could easily be manipulated by flattery. And third, recognizing that, because he was white and rich, Americans would never recognize him as a Russian mole. To make matters even better, they determined that, because of his narcissism, he himself would never realize that he was a Russian mole.

It is unclear exactly when Trump began coursework at Autocracy University. By 2016 he exhibited some authoritarian behavior during his first presidential campaign, and he may have taken classes before then. Although, by all indications, Trump never completed his coursework satisfactorily and was mildly reprimanded several times, he remained an enrolled student primarily because the trustees came to see him more as a strategic asset than as a competent student. Specifically, Putin wanted a compliant American president to assist him with his military objectives in Ukraine. Trump was cooperative with Putin during his first term, but the Russo-Ukrainian War didn't begin until 2022, when he was out of office. In his second term, beginning in 2025, Trump was supposed to immediately pressure Volodymyr Zelenskyy to surrender to Russia. That failed to work. Furthermore, when Trump's tariffs disrupted international trade, Xi Jinping is thought to have criticized Trump to the oligarchs. Above all, Trump had taken a course in minority suppression, which he never completed. There is an entire chapter in that course on never allowing the public to see evidence of the punishment or assassination of non-minority people in their countries. According to the leaked document, after the January 24, 2026 shooting of Alex Pretti and the following news coverage, the board of trustees held an emergency meeting and expelled Donald Trump. He will not receive a diploma. They also discussed whether Nick Fuentes or J.D. Vance should be promoted as Trump's successors and grant them early degrees.

Note that this information will not appear in the American news media because of its ongoing suppression by the Trump administration.

Why Don't They Have a Trigger Warning for That?

Journal, September 9, 2015

I've been going through college orientation for a couple of days now, and something just happened that makes me feel uneasy. They gave us a list of reading material to help us get up to speed, and it included an article by a writer named Marilynne Robinson, whom I had never heard of. I think it was supposed to make us feel as if someone was addressing the issue of fear in America, or maybe even fear on campus, but I found it unsettling. My parents are secular Jews who moved from Russia to the U.S.A. before I was born. Both work in biotechnology and are atheists. When I was growing up, before we moved to New York, my father privately made fun of the outspoken Christians in the town where we lived in South Carolina. He used to read us quotes from books by Daniel Dennett and Richard Dawkins. We were taught that Christian fundamentalists are a pretty scary bunch of people who deny the validity of science.

According to the article, this is a Christian country, which is news to me. What happened to separation of church and state? The author also claims to be some kind of American patriot, which I know is pretty stupid without anyone explaining it to me. In an ideal world there would be no countries or religion, and college freshmen like me wouldn't have to worry about being brainwashed by Holy Rollers or anyone else. Another thing that gets me about the article is that Ms. Robinson seems to think that she can heal the country by making contemporary Americans more like the ignorant peasants who swarmed here from across the globe to escape persecution, among other reasons, and who boosted their morale by believing in fairy tales. The Calvinist fiction that she prefers isn't much better than any other if you ask me, though she thinks the Calvinists were less violent than modern Americans.

I attempted to discuss the article with some of my fellow freshmen, but they didn't have much to say. Maybe they're just trying to fit in and don't want to seem opinionated. This is disappointing to find at an exclusive college. Even though Ms. Robinson's article reads like a rant, I respect her right to say what she thinks. It is just disconcerting that a rather poorly-argued position could pass muster with students who are supposed to be intelligent. If no one ever speaks up, any environment can become ripe for thought control. In my family we used to debate different topics, and nothing got swept under the rug. I am beginning to think that my classmates may have been groomed for conformity.

Some other articles that I've read recently say that there may be a lot of things going on here on campus that might make me feel unsafe. Some guy might try to get me drunk and rape me - though I wouldn't let him. Someone might offend my sensibilities as a persecuted minority - though I don't care about Judaism. No, my real fear is that I'm going to have to spend my next four years pretending that fantasist evangelists like Marilynne Robinson are serious thinkers even as they spout nonsense that I outgrew when I was twelve. Why don't they have a trigger warning for that?

Ariadne Zinger

A Letter from Hell

A Letter from Hell

On the way back from the airport, the roads still had a trace of snow on them. There wasn't much traffic that day. Near Starksboro I came up behind an old van that doing about 45.  We reached a straight stretch of road and I started to pass it.  Then out of nowhere came a semi and that was it.

The next thing I knew I was talking to God.  It was a he and not a she, and he asked me why I didn't believe in him.  I said "Prove to me that you're not a hallucination."

And here I am. I guess the truth doesn't make you free.